Posts Tagged ‘Obama’

BREAKING TIM TEBOW NEWS! Tebow Receives “Shock Absorber” Brain in New Sports Medicine Proceedure. Revolutionizes Concussion Comebacks !

October 10, 2009

BREAKING TIM TEBOW NEWS !

Tim Tebow displays baboon brain to medical interns at UF Shands Hospital

Tim Tebow displays Shock Absorber brain on his way to brain transplant surgery, performed by reknowned surgeon Dr. Walter Smojohowicz

Another medical advancement is being made today.

University of Florida Gators QB Tiom Tebow’s has received brain replacement surgery, known as “Shock Absorber” cranial inversion surgery. Details are coming out from Shands Medical Center, and it seems to be a radical technology advancement between Schutt (manufacturer of football helmets), Nike and General Motors.

Noted brain surgeon Walter Smojohowicz stated that this proceedure should allow Tebow play in the LSU game, but would need to receive fresh hydraulic fluid after the game.

This new technology allows Tebow brain to sit in a blanket of fluid, that will act like a cushion inside his skull, that his brain will be cradled in. According to medical experts, this will allow Tebow to play concussion free for the rest of the Gators football season.

Las Vegas oddsmakers have taken to the news well…the Gators are favored to win the game in Baton Rouge.

Seen below is an X-Ray of Tebow’s bruised brain prior to surgery

DOH! Seen above is the the amazing brain of John Reaves

X-Ray of Tim Tebow's brain after his concussion. Seen in this image is his compacted supercomputer, superhuman, processing data center.

Stay tuned to breaking news on the risky procedure.

DEVELOPING ….

SEC football coaches Urban Meyer and Lane Kiffin star in remake of classic movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

September 16, 2009

The film takes place in the fictional town of Knoxford Falls shortly after the depression and stars Lane Kiffin as Coach Vol, a man whose imminent suicide on the eve of the Gator game gains the attention of his guardian angel, Phil Fulmer) who is sent to help him in his hour of need. Much of the film is told through flashbacks spanning Kiffin’s entire life and narrated by Tebow and Spikes, unseen Angels who are preparing Fulmer for his mission to save Kiffin. Through these flashbacks we see all the people whose lives have been touched by Kiffin and the indifference he has made to the community in which he lives and is secretly trying to escape from.

NCAA Approves Lambs To Be Fed To Florida Alligators On LIVE Television

September 1, 2009

Claims It Will Increase Ratings, Viewing Audience and Greedy Advertisers.

Sacrificial lambs before being led to slaughter

Sacrificial lambs before being led to slaughter

Tim Tebow is confident and ready to skewer and BBQ the Charleston Southern Football team this weekend in Gainesville, for the opening game of the 2009 football season.

Tenacious Tim, seen above after sharpening his spear, is ready to impale the sacrificial Charleston Southern football squad. Charleston Southern, not known for the football prowess has thrown their helpless football team “lambs” to the “lions” by their athletic director, Hank Small.

The Charleston Southern Buccaneers, a tiny Baptist college of only 3,000 peaceful students will face the defending 2008 BCS National Champion University of Florida Gators. It can be compared to the Christians (Baptists in this case) being thrown to the lions, of biblical lore.

Gator eating the flesh of Charleston Southern football team members

Gator eating the flesh of Charleston Southern football team members

If there ever was a mismatch this NCAA season…..this is the game!

Gator alumni are somewhat embarrassed that this game is even happening. Already the Associated Press has given the spread on this game to over 70 points. Football fans feel sorry for the players on the Buccaneer football team. Alachua County has extra ambulances and paramedics ready to cart off injured Southern Carolina players.

Shands Hospital in Gainesville has called in extra medical personnel to the emergency room and orthopedic departments.

Red Cross has medivac helicopters on stand-by.

The Florida Gators will chomp the Buccaneers and make them walk the plank… and send them back home with bad memories and trauma. Pychologists are prepared to provide the Buccaneer squad with counseling and me3otional support groups when they return to Charleston.

In case Charleston Southern gets too many players injured to field a squad, or in case they quit and walk off the field….Ft. Lauderdale St Thomas Aquinas High School, one the the top high school football teams tin the nation, will replace the Charleston Southern football team, to finish the game.

Will David slay Goliath this Saturday? Absolutely not.

3 Paramedic ambulance teams will be prepared to rush injured Buccaneer football players to the emergency rooms of local hospitals

3 Paramedic ambulance teams will be prepared to rush injured Buccaneer football players to the emergency rooms of local hospitals

Tebow and the Gators victorious….and Gator fans….happy yet embarrassed by the degree of this monumental mismatch.

Stay tuned to count the carnage.

DEVELOPING….

Susan Boyle Gets Married to American Football Star! “Britain’s Got Talent” overnight sensation accepts proposal on live TV show.

April 17, 2009
Susan Boyle Accepts Tim Tebow's Marriage Proposal on LIVE TV

Susan Boyle Accepts Tim Tebow's Marriage Proposal on LIVE TV

TIM TEBOW AND “BRITAIN’S GOT TALENT” STAR SUSAN BOYLE SURPRISE THE WORLD AND GET MARRIED !

WOW ….we didn’t see this one coming.

It seems not only was Demi Moore and Ashton Kucher all verclempt when watching unknow Susan Boyle captivate the world, when she performed Le Miserable song “Dream The Dream”, on popular Brit show “Britain’s Got Talent.”

It appears that University of Florida National Champion and Heisman Trophy winning quarterback Tim Tebow was so overwhelmed that he flew by private jet across the Atlantic to be first in line, to propose to Susan Boyle.

The homely singer, who has never been married nor kissed a human, gleefully accepted Tebow’s  love committment offer. She lept into his burly arms and planted a kiss smack on his lips.

Tebow, who also hasn’t been married, stated that they were going to spend the next two days learning how to kiss, at the Ramada Inn, located in West Lothian, Scotland.

They were last seen hopping into a taxi, giggling all the way to their honeymoon hideaway….not only Dreaming The Dream …but living the dream. They are now making beautiful, sweet music together…

DEVELOPING …

Tim Tebow Stars in Braveheart II: The Battle Of The Nation

December 3, 2008

Florida Florida St Football

(Tim Tebow & Mel Gibson (William Wallace) let out a tribal victory yell)

Tim Tebow has been chosen by Steven Speilberg to replace Mel Gibson as William Wallace in the sequel to BRAVEHEART, the dynamic Acacedmy Award winning epic movie about good vs evil.

Tebow will recreate the role of William Wallace as he battle against evil King Saban of Alabama.

In on of the greatest battle sequences in cinematic history, Tim Tebow will fight a guerilla war inside of the Georgia Dome for the SEC championship and an invitation to play for the BCS National Championship game in Miami.

Tebow is also on a historic path to win the Heisman Trophy a second time ..the only underclassmen ever to be considered to win it twice.

Bring your popcorn and sword….it will be the greatest Gators battle in recent history.

Tebow victorious …the super hero of the 21st century and the millenium beyond….

Brett Favre Traded For Tim Tebow in Shocking Blockbuster QB Deal! First Time Ever Professional Team Trades A Player To A College Team.

August 5, 2008

Green Bay Packers QB Brett Favre Traded To Florida Gators For Future Rights To Negotiate With Heisman Winner Tim Tebow !

Even I never saw this one coming !

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and the NCAA have been negotiating in seclusion for 7 days to negotiate this unprecedented trade involve a professional team and an NCAA team.

Living Legend Green bay Packers quarterback Breet Favre, who still has 6 months NCAA eligibility remaining, has been traded to Urban Meyer’s Florida Gators football squad. Goodell stated that Green Bay will be allowed future negotiation rights to Tim Tebow, whenever he decides to leave the University of Florida.

Favre will compete with Tebow for the starting quarterback position, according to inside sources.

Many inside of Gator Nation feel that Tebow will beat Favre out for the position, based upon his youth, strength, ability and aggressive style of play.

Tebow said, “Bring him on …I’m ready to compete with him for the position. May the best man win.”

….STAY TUNED FOR BREAKING NEWS

Tim Tebow Performs World’s First Brain Transplant Surgery During Spring Break !

May 8, 2008

Tim Tebow displays baboon brain to medical interns at UF Shands Hospital

Seen above is Heisman Tropy winner Gator Quarterback Tim Tebow keeping busy during Spring Break. He performs multiple circumcisions in a foreign country….Nurses Swoon …Patients ask For Autographs …And He Performs Worlds First Brain Transplant Surgery …all in his spare time !

Superman, Super-Christian and Super Dupor Tim Tebow can do no wrong. This kid is better than a Disney scripted movie. First he helps (as a freshman) to win the NCAA National Football Championship …then he sets new records as a Quarterback …collects every award known to modern football players …preaches to help others …and gives free circumcisions to impoverished children in the jungles. To top it off, he performed a brain transplant as an encore !

Seen above, stylish Doctor Tim Tebow is seen with the removed brain of Michael Vick.

Tebow is showing the organ to University of Florida Shands Teaching Hospital medical interns, before replacing Vick’s brain with that of a armadillo.

Tebow said the surgery went well, and that Vick will actual improve his personality by having the brain of a armadillo. The family of the armadillo is suing Tebow, because they said Vick’s brain has a lower IQ than the brain that was removed.

Stay tuned for breaking updates…