Posts Tagged ‘Gators’

Tebow Stuns Haters Again! Leads Broncos in Full Moon victory over Steelers in NFL Playoffs.

January 8, 2012

TEBOW PUTS FINAL NAIL IN PITTSBURGH STEELERS COFFIN !

(Terrific Tim Tebow running against the #1 defense in the NFL in stunning victory)

DENVER – Jan 8, 2012

The amazing story of Tim Tebow continues to surprise the world and silence haters. Today, Tim Tebow led the Denver Broncos in a victory over much favored Pittsburgh Steelers, in Denver. Even mother nature was helping out, with a full moon rising above the sold out stadium. The Broncos stunned the Pittsburgh Steelers with this upset victory and will be taking on Tom Brady and the New England Patriots next week in Foxborough, MA.

Excited fan Pete Nasca elatedly posted messages all over his Facebook page and social networks, praising Tebows leadership skills. TV ratings, according the Neillsen ratings set new playoff records for TV audience viewership.

The 80 yard overtime touchdown pass ended the game and sealed the opportunity to advance in the playoffs. Mark Davis, a dejected Pittsburgh fan stated afterwards, that he will be weeping like a girl for days.

DEVELOPING …….

Bear Bryant states that Tim Tebow is the greatest football player he’s ever seen …from heaven !

January 1, 2010
Bear Bryant Tebow

Bear Bryant speaks from heaven and proclaims Tim Tebow the greatest football player of all time. Coach Bryant adds that Woody Hayes and he always turn on the ESPNH to watch Tebow perform his onfield miracles.

BEAR BRYANT SPEAKS FROM HEAVEN ABOUT TIM TEBOW

Could it be. Could the sounds we hear from the skies be legendary Alabama football coach Bear Bryant noticing the best football player he’s ever seen ?

Turns out, if the Bear was earthbound, he certainly would compare Tebow to Joe Namath, Kenny Stabler, Kerwin Bell and Bob Hewko.

If Bear Bryant were still with us, he’d be hard-pressed to name anyone better.

Bear, who was interviewed by Howard Cosell in heaven, said that Bear told him that Gator Tim Tebow is the greatest football player he’s ever seen. Bear said Tebow’s better than Bo Jackson, Wally Smojver, Jimbo Donigan, Mark Ingram and Hank Harris, combined.

Coach Bryant said he enjoys opening a Pabst Blue Ribbon with his coaches in the Touchdown Jesus lounge and watching a Saturday afternoon of gridiron with his circle of coaching friends who have elevated to heaven. Ocassionally, God stops in on his way to Dallas to watch the Cowboys through the opening in the Cowboys stadium roof.

He stated he enjoyed watching Tebow’s last college game in the Sugar Bowl beating the University of Cincinnatti .

Bear will give updates on his website on the NFL playoffs as they develop.

Will Kerwin Bell Be The New Gators Offensive Coordinator ?

December 14, 2009

Kerwin Bell - Gators New Offensive Coordinator?

BREAKING GATOR COACHING RUMORS

Rumors have been circulating in the Southeast that former Gator QB Kerwin Bell is being considered for the Louisville and the University of Florida’s Offensive Coordinator. Many are coveting Bells’ wide open “Shake n’ Bake” offensive strategy.

New Louisville Head coach Charley Strong is very eager to land Bell as his new offensive coordinator, and simultaneously swirling Gator rumors are that Bell will be reunited with his former player Johnny Brantley, who he coached in High School in  Ocala, FL for a record setting offense.

Bell, currently head coach at Jacksonville University has been a hot commodity in the past few days. He has turned around a horrible program at Jacksonville with a wide open offense which he developed over his career in the Canadian Football League, the NFL and college.

He was tutored himself by offensive godfather Steve Spurrier, who was his coach when Bell was the Gators QB.

Many Gator fans grumbled this past year under the offensive leadership of converted Offensive Line coach Steve Addazzio, who put too much responsibility on Tim Tebow, and did not utilize the weapons that he had on offense. The Gator won “ugly” every game…and Gator Nation might’ve been spoiled over the years with wide open offense. It was clear that the Gators missed the playcalling of Dan Mullen, who left to become head coach at Mississippi State and made great improvements on that program in 1 year.

Kerwin Bell and Johnny Brantley - A Match Made In QB-Heaven

WILL BRANTLEY BE REUNITED WITH HIS MUSE …”SHAKE N’ BAKE” OFFENSIVE GURU, COACH KERWIN BELL

Gator nation would like to see Kerwin Bell return to the Gators sidelines and be reunited with his star student Johnny Brantley, to utilize his talents to their full potential next season.

In this regard, this writer agrees.

Hiring Kerwin Bell would be a great addition to the Gators staff.

Get-R-Done

DEVELOPING ….

BREAKING TIM TEBOW NEWS! Tebow Receives “Shock Absorber” Brain in New Sports Medicine Proceedure. Revolutionizes Concussion Comebacks !

October 10, 2009

BREAKING TIM TEBOW NEWS !

Tim Tebow displays baboon brain to medical interns at UF Shands Hospital

Tim Tebow displays Shock Absorber brain on his way to brain transplant surgery, performed by reknowned surgeon Dr. Walter Smojohowicz

Another medical advancement is being made today.

University of Florida Gators QB Tiom Tebow’s has received brain replacement surgery, known as “Shock Absorber” cranial inversion surgery. Details are coming out from Shands Medical Center, and it seems to be a radical technology advancement between Schutt (manufacturer of football helmets), Nike and General Motors.

Noted brain surgeon Walter Smojohowicz stated that this proceedure should allow Tebow play in the LSU game, but would need to receive fresh hydraulic fluid after the game.

This new technology allows Tebow brain to sit in a blanket of fluid, that will act like a cushion inside his skull, that his brain will be cradled in. According to medical experts, this will allow Tebow to play concussion free for the rest of the Gators football season.

Las Vegas oddsmakers have taken to the news well…the Gators are favored to win the game in Baton Rouge.

Seen below is an X-Ray of Tebow’s bruised brain prior to surgery

DOH! Seen above is the the amazing brain of John Reaves

X-Ray of Tim Tebow's brain after his concussion. Seen in this image is his compacted supercomputer, superhuman, processing data center.

Stay tuned to breaking news on the risky procedure.

DEVELOPING ….

Lane Kiffin Must Be The Woman! – Urban Meyer Wins Bet.

September 18, 2009

After getting beaten and humiliated by the Florida Gators, Urban Meyer, Tim Tebow and the water boys…Tennessee Head Football Coach Lane Kifin was forced to dress like his smoking hot wife Layla and join Urban Meyer for his festive victory dance at “The Swamp” ballroom and saloon on University Ave.

Kiffin was further humiliated after this dance, by being forced to dance like a can-can girl by local police officers and homeless people curbside.

Tennessee’s Lane Kiffin and Phil Fulmer Star in New Fall TV Show – “Kiffigans Island”

September 18, 2009

After a 3 hour recruiting trip, University of Tennessee Head coach Kiffin and Phil Fulmer get lost in Appalachia.

Local angry banjo players force Kiffin and Fulmer to dance for their freedom, after getting blasted by the Florida Gators….yet again.

SEC football coaches Urban Meyer and Lane Kiffin star in remake of classic movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

September 16, 2009

The film takes place in the fictional town of Knoxford Falls shortly after the depression and stars Lane Kiffin as Coach Vol, a man whose imminent suicide on the eve of the Gator game gains the attention of his guardian angel, Phil Fulmer) who is sent to help him in his hour of need. Much of the film is told through flashbacks spanning Kiffin’s entire life and narrated by Tebow and Spikes, unseen Angels who are preparing Fulmer for his mission to save Kiffin. Through these flashbacks we see all the people whose lives have been touched by Kiffin and the indifference he has made to the community in which he lives and is secretly trying to escape from.

VIDEO: Tim Tebow Caught Dancing With ESPN Erin Andrews Last Night

September 15, 2009

University of Florida Gators handsome Uber QB Tim Tebow is caught dancing the night away with beautiful ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews. This top secret and previously unseen video was recorded with security camera’s at the famous “Late Night” nightclub, in Gainesville, FL.

This video confirms rumors that the two were secretly dating.
DEVELOPING …..

“High School Sacrifice” – Troy To Be Executed at Halftime …READ NOW”

September 8, 2009
Troy (Zak Efron) To Be Sacrificed During Gators Halftime Show

Troy (Zac Efron) To Be Sacrificed During Gators Halftime Show

Zac Efron, the likeable Disney actor who is “Troy” in the Disney movie “High School Musical” will be the human sacrifice this Saturday at halftime of the University of Florida Gators vs the Troy University Trojans football game, in Gainesville, FL.

Heisman QB Tim Tebow will spear Troy during refreshing Disney halftime show

Heisman QB Tim Tebow will spear Troy during refreshing Disney halftime show

Performing the sacrifice will be the entire Gator football team, led by Heisman Quarterback Tim Tebow. Tebow, seen here, will be wearing his warrior Trojan outfit to spear Efron during the unique halftime entertainment show.

Last week, Baptist University¬† Charleston Southern was fed to the alligators…and this week….a human sacrifice of “Troy.”

Seen above is Trojan Horse that Efron and cast of High School Musical will be brought onto Florida Field for halftime show and Troy sacrifice.

Seen above is Trojan Horse that Efron and cast of High School Musical will be brought onto Florida Field for halftime show and Troy sacrifice.

Seen in the article is the Trojan Horse vessel that Efron will be brought into Florida Field to midfield, where he and the cast of High School musical will perform a song and dance routine, before the sacrifice.

Troy University head football coach Larry Blakeney stated that his football team will also be sacrificed this weekend in Gainesville by the defending BCS National Champion Florida Gators football team.

Blakeney said that many of his players will be injured and maimed. Those players who cannot walk off the field, will be euthanized on the sidelines.

Here’s to “Troy”…may he/they live long in the memories of Florida Gator fans.

NCAA Approves Lambs To Be Fed To Florida Alligators On LIVE Television

September 1, 2009

Claims It Will Increase Ratings, Viewing Audience and Greedy Advertisers.

Sacrificial lambs before being led to slaughter

Sacrificial lambs before being led to slaughter

Tim Tebow is confident and ready to skewer and BBQ the Charleston Southern Football team this weekend in Gainesville, for the opening game of the 2009 football season.

Tenacious Tim, seen above after sharpening his spear, is ready to impale the sacrificial Charleston Southern football squad. Charleston Southern, not known for the football prowess has thrown their helpless football team “lambs” to the “lions” by their athletic director, Hank Small.

The Charleston Southern Buccaneers, a tiny Baptist college of only 3,000 peaceful students will face the defending 2008 BCS National Champion University of Florida Gators. It can be compared to the Christians (Baptists in this case) being thrown to the lions, of biblical lore.

Gator eating the flesh of Charleston Southern football team members

Gator eating the flesh of Charleston Southern football team members

If there ever was a mismatch this NCAA season…..this is the game!

Gator alumni are somewhat embarrassed that this game is even happening. Already the Associated Press has given the spread on this game to over 70 points. Football fans feel sorry for the players on the Buccaneer football team. Alachua County has extra ambulances and paramedics ready to cart off injured Southern Carolina players.

Shands Hospital in Gainesville has called in extra medical personnel to the emergency room and orthopedic departments.

Red Cross has medivac helicopters on stand-by.

The Florida Gators will chomp the Buccaneers and make them walk the plank… and send them back home with bad memories and trauma. Pychologists are prepared to provide the Buccaneer squad with counseling and me3otional support groups when they return to Charleston.

In case Charleston Southern gets too many players injured to field a squad, or in case they quit and walk off the field….Ft. Lauderdale St Thomas Aquinas High School, one the the top high school football teams tin the nation, will replace the Charleston Southern football team, to finish the game.

Will David slay Goliath this Saturday? Absolutely not.

3 Paramedic ambulance teams will be prepared to rush injured Buccaneer football players to the emergency rooms of local hospitals

3 Paramedic ambulance teams will be prepared to rush injured Buccaneer football players to the emergency rooms of local hospitals

Tebow and the Gators victorious….and Gator fans….happy yet embarrassed by the degree of this monumental mismatch.

Stay tuned to count the carnage.

DEVELOPING….